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Tribute Song for Ai

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AEnema
Posted: Feb 03, 2012 12:43 am Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
So, How is going the translation LittleBigHeart? If you actually started it that is Tongue

On, my side I'm still searching and asking around for more help with that. at the moment, including you, I'm waiting for 2 other person to show me their work (both student at University like you), and waiting for 3 others to answer my "call for help" to see if they are interested to help with the translation. I'll give more concrete news when I get some.

I can't wait to see the results!!
 
LittleBigHeart
Posted: Feb 04, 2012 6:56 am Reply with quote
CHU-LIP CHU-LIP
Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 1679 Location: Osaka, JAPAN
Sorry sorry !! I want to help for sure, just kinda busy recently... >< but i want to help this !!
 
May-chan91
Posted: Mar 01, 2012 8:53 am Reply with quote
ユメクイ ユメクイ
Joined: 31 May 2008 Posts: 1172 Location: Fukuoka, JAPAN
i can totally ask my japanese friend to do this ^^ she comes back to france tomorrow .
she's both english and japanese native speaker ^^ i have to ask her and i'll tell you if she can/wants.
 
AEnema
Posted: Mar 01, 2012 5:25 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
May-chan91 wrote:
i can totally ask my japanese friend to do this ^^ she comes back to france tomorrow .
she's both english and japanese native speaker ^^ i have to ask her and i'll tell you if she can/wants.


That would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo AWESOME, if you can do that!!!!

I've been waiting for that translation for ages, and bugging everyone, here on channel-ai, and my friends, and even other ppl on the net to the point that i think i might have been bothering some of them with this. XD

Finaly some good news, I can't wait to see how it comes out. Sure there will still be some work to be done after this, but it's minor compare to the translation itself.

I guess i just need to wait a little more now. Smile I'll try to be patient!! Tongue
 
mizuno121
Posted: Mar 31, 2012 1:51 pm Reply with quote
Planetarium Planetarium
Joined: 23 Jan 2009 Posts: 672 Location: Tabasco Mexico
out of the topic but I have to say it hehehe. I understood all the french conversation before Laughing (I studied french when I was in college) but I'm to bad at producing and I haven't practiced since I finish college No (about 2 years ago)

I will try to ask some friends about the translation but I'm not sure if they can help us Sad
 
AEnema
Posted: Mar 31, 2012 2:50 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
mizuno121 wrote:
out of the topic but I have to say it hehehe. I understood all the french conversation before Laughing (I studied french when I was in college) but I'm to bad at producing and I haven't practiced since I finish college No (about 2 years ago)

I will try to ask some friends about the translation but I'm not sure if they can help us Sad


that would be great cause I don't have any news from May-chan91 about the translation.

The songs is both written in English and French here, feel free to translate with the one you think is the best.

By the way, if you guys have to change some words to make your translation easier feel free to do it. As long as the original feeling is still behind I don't see any problem with that.
 
LittleBigHeart
Posted: Mar 31, 2012 2:56 pm Reply with quote
CHU-LIP CHU-LIP
Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 1679 Location: Osaka, JAPAN
OK. It's enough !
lol, sorry but i said i would translate it, but i'm too scared to make mistake, i can't write and understand a little japanese, but i don't want to make it bad so..

Ah, tu compends le français Mizuno121 ? Donc on peut parler français avec AEnema ? lol
Voilà ce que je vais faire, je vais demander à mes amis japonais de ma fac de me traduire ça. Pour éviter de demander trop à une personne, je vais découper les parties en plusieurs parties, comme ça ils auront l'impression de n'avoir pas traduit grand chose lol !
 
mizuno121
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 12:46 am Reply with quote
Planetarium Planetarium
Joined: 23 Jan 2009 Posts: 672 Location: Tabasco Mexico
Oui Je comprends mais je ne sais pas comment parler et écrire en français...J'ai oublié No No

about the song I was thinking the same Laughing I want to give just 1 or 2 verses in order to make it easier to my friend...hope he can help me Embarassed
 
AEnema
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 1:33 am Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
Dividing tasks sounds great to me, if there are some harder sentence that ppl can't translate we can do a group effort to finish them up afterward too.

And about making mistake LBH, i don't really care about it, like if you wanna do a first draft of what you can translate, we can fix the mistake afterwards if we find some, nobody's gonna blame you for that. Kinda like what the people did on this forum when translating Ai's lyrics. Group effort usually end up with better result anyway. Smile If you really don't wanna do it or don't have the time to do it i can understand though. I'm still asking around, but most ppl i know who can translate are a little like you i think, too shy or don't wanna mess this up.

Anyway, I'm gonna wait for result. I know it's been a while I've been asking for that, but I'm sure once we get some verses translated, things will start moving faster and for the best. Smile

Ganbate ikimashou!
 
LittleBigHeart
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 5:43 am Reply with quote
CHU-LIP CHU-LIP
Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 1679 Location: Osaka, JAPAN
歌詞 1
(ビー、ビー、)アラームの音で僕は起きる。今は8時。遅刻だ!
シャワーを浴びて、着替えをして、食べる時間はない。行かなきゃ!
急げ、急げ! バスに乗らないと! ああ!? バスが行ってしまった。
(はあー)、今日はベッドにいるべきだな。
( bī , bī , ) arāmu no oto de boku ha okiru . ima ha 8 ji . chikoku da !
shawā o abi te , kigae o shi te , taberu jikan ha nai . ika nakya !
isoge , isoge ! basu ni nora nai to ! aa !? basu ga itte shimat ta .
( ha ā )、kyou ha beddo ni iru beki da na .

歌詞 2
あきらめない。 僕はできる限り速く走りだす。
嵐が来て、雨が降り出した。傘はない。ずぶ濡れだ。
注意を払うことなく、ひざまずいて水の中を駆ける。
僕は足首をひねっただけだと思っていた。頬(ほほ)をつたうのは、雨?それとも涙?
akirame nai . boku ha dekiru kagiri hayaku hashiri dasu .
arashi ga ki te , ame ga furidashi ta . kasa ha nai . zubunure da .
chuui o harau koto naku , hizamazui te mizu no naka o kakeru .
boku ha ashikubi o hinet ta dake da to omot te i ta . hoho o tsutau no ha , ame ? soretomo namida ?

Chorus 1
でも僕の頭の中ではこの曲が流れている
とっても素敵で美しい
そして僕の頭の中ではこのメロディーが流れている
君は僕の気分を良くしてくれる
それは僕の頭の中でこの曲が流れているから
僕に君のことを想(おも)わせる
そして他のことを忘れさせてくれる
demo boku no atama no naka de ha kono kyoku ga nagare te iru
tottemo suteki de utsukushii
soshite boku no atama no naka de ha kono merodī ga nagare te iru
kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru
sore ha boku no atama no naka de kono kyoku ga nagare te iru kara
boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru
soshite ta hoka no koto o wasure sase te kureru

歌詞 3
空気は冷たく、雪が降っている
僕は一人で通りを歩く
どこに向っているのかはわからない
計画はない、順路もない、僕は僕の道を行く
kuuki ha tsumetaku , yuki ga fut te iru
boku ha ichi nin de toori o aruku
doko ni mukat te iru no ka ha wakara nai
keikaku ha nai , junro mo nai , boku ha boku no michi o yuku

Chorus 2
でも僕の頭の中ではこの曲が流れている
とっても素敵で美しい
そして僕の頭の中ではこのメロディーが流れている
君は僕の気分を良くしてくれる
それは僕の頭の中でこの曲が流れているから
僕に君のことを想わせる
そして他のことを忘れさせてくれる
demo boku no atama no naka de ha kono kyoku ga nagare te iru
tottemo suteki de utsukushii
soshite boku no atama no naka de ha kono merodī ga nagare te iru
kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru
sore ha boku no atama no naka de kono kyoku ga nagare te iru kara
boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru
soshite ta hoka no koto omowasure sase te kureru

Bridge
Pap Pa Pala Pa Pap Pa Pala
PaP Pa Pala Pa Pala
Pap Pa Pala Pa Pa Pa La
Pa Pala Pa

歌詞 4
???

Chorus 3 & 4
でも僕の頭の中ではこの曲が流れている
とっても素敵で美しい
そして僕の頭の中ではこのメロディーが流れている
君は僕の気分を良くしてくれる

でも僕の頭の中ではこの曲が流れている
とっても素敵で美しい
そして僕の頭の中ではこのメロディーが流れている
君は僕の気分を良くしてくれる

それは僕の頭の中でこの曲が流れているから
僕に君のことを想わせる
そして他のことを忘れさせてくれる
demo boku no atama no naka de ha kono kyoku ga nagare te iru
tottemo suteki de utsukushii
soshite boku no atama no naka de ha kono merodī ga nagare te iru
kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru

demo boku no atama no naka de ha kono kyoku ga nagare te iru
tottemo suteki de utsukushii
soshite boku no atama no naka de ha kono merodī ga nagare te iru
kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru

sore ha boku no atama no naka de kono kyoku ga nagare te iru kara
boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru
soshite ta hoka no koto omo wasure sase te kureru

---------------

That's all I got for instance lol, we can ask Mizuno121 for Verse 4, it's the last thing to translate ^^
The BRIDGE part doesn't need a translation, obviously ^^
 
AEnema
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 5:45 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
Kiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie Boogie

Harigatou!!

haha i wasn't expecting to wait only 1 day, damn I've got a lot of works to do now, gonna have to make this fit with the melody and all. Smile
Boku wa ureshi desu! Giggle
I hope you don't mind, i gave a copy of this to my friend who study Japanese, he is actually reviewing this at the moment, and he says that it seems nice so far. I'll probably post more when I come up with news.

Aslo, if you had help or anything from friends, feel free to tell me their name or pseudo so I can add them in the special thanks/credit section when we are done, as long as they agree with it too!

I don't know if it's just a coincidence or if you actually did it that way, but i noticed that most of the translation rime quite well. Smile I mean, it's easier to rime in Japanese obviously, but the 2 first verse have really nice rimes that i wasn't really expecting! Smile

P.S.: Right now I'm working on the chorus, and I've got double the mora i need for most of the sentences, so I'm gonna have to find a way to squeeze those in the melody. XD Alot of works ahead of me. Tongue

Edit: my friend told me that depending if its a girl or a guy who sing it, we might wanna replace the Boku by Watashi or Atashi. Doesn't seems like a big change though so I'm not to worried about this one. I've got bigger concern now trying to make those long sentence fit in lol. As soon as I get something solid for the chorus I'll try to post what I've done.
 
LittleBigHeart
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 6:04 pm Reply with quote
CHU-LIP CHU-LIP
Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 1679 Location: Osaka, JAPAN
You're welcome ^^
And yes, u're friend is right. I used "Boku" because i was thinking at Yumekui, in which ai-chan's using Boku ^^ ! But if a girl sing this, well Watashi or Atashi is better, sure =)
 
AEnema
Posted: Apr 01, 2012 8:11 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
So, yeah.

Basically, everything is too long.
To give you an idea, i can easily make 2 verse out of 1. If it comes to that, I'm sure it's not really a big deal cause we can just keep our best 2 verses and make 4 with them. But for the Chorus it's kinda problematic. It's gonna take some serious re-work of the chorus's structure itself, like switching or removing some sentences, but we will have to do so without losing the meaning and feeling behind it.

Now that we have the translation in romanji though, it's easier to see how many mora (Syllable) we've got in each sentences, SO, what I'm gonna do, is try to make an estimate of how many mora we need for each sentences to make it fit in my current melody so we can do a little brainstorming and see how we can make this fit all together.

Let's start with the 2 first verses:
( bī , bī , ) arāmu no oto de boku ha okiru . ima ha 8 ji . chikoku da ! (24 mora (22 without the Beep, beep!))
shawā o abi te , kigae o shi te , taberu jikan ha nai . ika nakya ! (22-25 mora)
isoge , isoge ! basu ni nora nai to ! aa !? basu ga itte shimat ta . (20-22 mora)
( ha ā )、kyou ha beddo ni iru beki da na . (13 mora)

akirame nai . boku ha dekiru kagiri hayaku hashiri dasu . (17)
arashi ga ki te , ame ga furidashi ta . kasa ha nai . zubunure da . (18)
chuui o harau koto naku , hizamazui te mizu no naka o kakeru . (14)
boku ha ashikubi o hinet ta dake da to omot te i ta . hoho o tsutau no ha , ame ? soretomo namida ? (28)

And we need to make it fit in this patern:
Verse 1:
13 (24)
14 (22)
8 (20)
7 (13)

Verse 2:
10 (17)
13 (18)
10 (14)
16 (preferable to be 16 exactly) (28)

Even though i can play alot with those by decreasing or increasing the number of mora by 5 or so but as you can see having the double of mora is way too much. So, unless we can find a way to shorten some of those sentences, that's why i was thinking about taking 1 verse to make 2. We might have to work something out for the last longer sentence of 16 mora, but the rest is pretty flexible. So let me know what you guys think, if you have any suggestions or ideas that comes up and if we go for my idea, what verses of the 4 you guys wanna keep and how should we do it?

And now I'll show you my big dillema about the Chorus:
demo boku no atama no naka de ha kono kyoku ga nagare te iru (24)
tottemo suteki de utsukushii (10)
soshite boku no atama no naka de ha kono merodī ga nagare te iru (25)
kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru (16)
sore ha boku no atama no naka de kono kyoku ga nagare te iru kara (26)
boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru (14)
soshite ta hoka no koto o wasure sase te kureru (18)

And we are suppose to make it fit in this :
Chorus:
11 (24)
5 (10)
11 (25)
7 (16)
11 (26)
5 (14)
9 (18)

I think doubling the chorus (doing 2 chorus in row) is out of the question even though it would solve our problem, doing so would make the song redundant and even more longer than it actually is. Our best bet is to find a way to make a chorus that will fit in these mora. So again, if you have ideas about this let me know, I'm still juggling around with it, and will do so until we come up with something!

Edit: I totally forgot to ask too.... I you guys can think about ideas of a title for the song, it would be great. I mean i called it Love Tribute but i think it was more a temporary title than anything Smile Now that it has been translated maybe we can come up with something more appropriate. what do you think?
 
AEnema
Posted: Apr 03, 2012 5:03 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
I think i found a solution, for the chorus at least, but it will need some tweaking. By playing a little with the lines i was able to come up with this:

Chorus
But I have this song
dancing in my head.
Kinda Joyful and lovely
That makes me think of you. (that reminds me of you. -- could work too.)

And this melody
dancing in my head.
Thanks to you, makes me feel better already. (or just --- makes me feel better already.)

which should translate in something like this i guess:

1.demo boku no atama no naka de ha
2. kono kyoku ga nagare te iru
3. tottemo suteki de utsukushii
4. boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru

5. soshite boku no atama no naka de ha
6. kono merodī ga nagare te iru
7. kimi ha boku no kibun o yoku shi te kureru

like this i can make this fit way more easily in the melody, with some exception being this one:
kono kyoku ga nagare te iru, the "te iru" just doesn't quite fit in, so i wanted to know if it's possible to cut it off, or find an other way to actually shorten this sentence with contraction of some sort. The last sentences (4 and 7) are also quite long, having them shortened of 1 or 2 mora would help a lot.

the nice part though is that for our 3-4 last chorus, we can easily use the pastern of our original first chorus. That way we aren't really losing anything of what has been done already.
 
AEnema
Posted: Apr 13, 2012 8:01 pm Reply with quote
Happy Days Happy Days
Joined: 22 Apr 2011 Posts: 136 Location: Québec, Canada
Ok, after some brainstorming with my friend we came up with this so far for the chorus:

Demo boku no atama no naka de ha
Kono kyoku ga nagareru
Tottemo suteki de utsukushii
Boku ni kimi no koto o omowa seru

Soshite boku no atama no naka de ha
Kono merodī ga nagareru
Kimi no okagede yokushite kureru

which should translate into something like this :

But in my head
This song flow
Kinda joyful and lovely
Makes me think of you

And in my head
This melody flow
Thanks to you, feel better

So, with this we managed to keep the original meaning of the chorus, kinda, and it fit in the melody now. Smile I just need to know what you guys think of it. Also, let me know if you see some mistake in the translation or something.

I'm gonna focus more on fixing the verses now, unless there is something really wrong with the change i made to the chorus that i have to redo all over again that is. XD
 
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